I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just blew my weed a kiss
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
