why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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