The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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