I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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