You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I only lived at night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
