When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
