I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I would ride that face into the sunset
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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