I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize