dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
