sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
