Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
