I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
