worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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