were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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