i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
