Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
