My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
