R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
