But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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