Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
