I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
