i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't deserve a penis
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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