we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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