Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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