I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize