I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
