I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
