I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
