I just saw a hot homeless man
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
