Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
