Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, beer. Big fan.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
