My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
