I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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