John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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