We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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