i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
