Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
