Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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