HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
