Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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