I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
