You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
