OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
