if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
