it was like eating out sand paper
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
