He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
