I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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