dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
