u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
