I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
