So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
