im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
