wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's the barista slut.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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