walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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