Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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