Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
