but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
