So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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