I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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