was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
