apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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