I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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