we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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