hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
